Let's make this birthday one to remember.

79 years old (Born on October 28, 1945)

Happy Birthday, Allen James Lynch! You're the only person we know who can single-handedly rescue three wounded soldiers under enemy fire and still make it look easier than assembling IKEA furniture. Your bravery in Vietnam earned you a Medal of Honor—and eternal bragging rights at every family gathering.

But seriously, your courage continues to inspire us all. While most people struggle just rescuing their toast from burning each morning, you've set an unbeatable standard for heroism that stands timeless through generations. Here's wishing you another year filled with laughter, joy—and fewer heroic rescues (you've done enough already)!