Let's make this birthday one to remember.

67 years old (Born on February 28, 1958)

Happy Birthday, Jack Abramoff! Who could forget your legendary talent for turning lobbying into a high-stakes game of Monopoly? Your unmatched ability to collect "Get Out of Jail Free" cards truly set the gold standard in political maneuvering.

Here's hoping this year brings you fewer subpoenas and more cake. After all, you've shown us that when life hands you lemons—just lobby Congress to redefine lemonade regulations. Cheers to another spin around the revolving door; may your birthday be as memorable (and scandal-free) as possible!