Let's make this birthday one to remember.

33 years old (Born on October 22, 1991)

Happy Birthday, Jesse! From dominating the mound as Baseball America's top Phillies prospect in 2012 to baffling batters with your crafty left-handed pitches, you've always kept hitters guessing. Your curveball has more twists than a soap opera plotline—truly timeless!

Here's hoping this year brings you even greater success and fewer awkward moments trying to find right-handed scissors. Keep throwing strikes (and jokes) because baseball needs pitchers like you who can deliver both heat on the field and laughs off it. Enjoy your special day—you've earned every inning of celebration ahead!