Let's make this birthday one to remember.

39 years old (Born on September 17, 1985)

Happy Birthday, Jose Goncalves! From the Swiss Alps to New England's shores, you've defended goals with more style than Ronaldo has hairstyles. Ever since you swapped FC Sion for clam chowder in 2014, Revolution fans have cheered louder and opponents trembled harder.

Your tackles are smoother than Portuguese wine; your leadership steadier than a Lisbon tram ride uphill. May this birthday bring fewer yellow cards and even more clean sheets—because let's face it: age is just another striker you'll effortlessly shut down. Here's to many more years of epic defending—and maybe finally teaching Americans how football really works!